Gulls

Two years

we kept

two stones

as we stitched

and laced our dream.

Two stones from

Brighton beach.

We pictured

drives along the coast,

healthy living

and a little life

waiting for us

when we got back home.

We got salt,

that much we got.

We filled up buckets

but not with our hands.

Now we ride back to London

Not defeated.

I can still see us

sitting in deckchairs

I can still see the sea from here.

_____________________

Better off

After you beat her

(not straight after,

but soon after)

My mum left

me with you.

She repeated

like a prayer

how you would never

hurt me

Never lay a finger on me.

I was safe with you.

And I was.

Each month

I would call her

hysterical

over some

act of non-violence.

A door torn off

A smashed TV

My brothers

fighting,

but not play fighting:

one throwing the other

down the stairs

one (the same one)

hitting the other with a

baseball bat.

And my dad,

Well, he did his best

Gave me money for the chip shop

and told me mum

loved her new family

better

that she had new children now.

______________________

Care

Sunk deep

in a cheap stuffed

chair

Takes two

Just to prop you up

And those two

who wipe you down

and feed your mouth

think you’re frail.

Remember the baseball bat

Behind the door you

used on my brothers?

You used

something else

on my mum.

You don’t remember;

can’t remember

But I do.

And I’m happy you’re like this

From rotten to rotting

I hope it drags out.

Your pain.

____________________

Wing

Skeletons

peek round corners

More eyes than face

They nest on crocheted blankets

More old people’s home

Than-

But how old are you anyway?

You could be 16 or 60 – your face lies,

Like your body.

Sparrows in ill-fitting clothes

Hang from wires,

Not feeding

But being fed.

To name this place Phoenix

seems cruel

All I see are ashes.

__________________________